thole
This word is in my lexicon because I like unusual, archaic things. If you're an American, like myself, you've probably not heard or seen this word outside of classic British literature. Thole is Scottish verb meaning to endure (a thing) without complaint, to tolerate something unpleasant or difficult.
I am in this unknown period that is seeking an agent. I probably will be for some time. The process has been overwhelming and far from easy. When you send what you assume to be your best impression of your novel (in the query) and no one shows any interest in it whatsoever, it cuts you deep to your soul. No matter how many times you can defend the agents for their difficult job sorting through a slush pile of queries, you cannot help but feel yourself lose energy, lose faith in yourself, and begin to doubt the merit of your writing. It simply is the way of things. I felt this in the days when I was hoping for graduate school; rejections felt like a door slamming in my face.
But... as much as it hurts now, there will be a door somewhere in this long corridor of agents that will be open, and will someday stay opened. Until then, my job is to rewrite my query letter (many times if necessary), to listen to feed back about weak spots in the novel's plot, to do what I can to stay moving. It's non-specific stuff. It feels half the time like I am not doing anything useful at all. But I'm going to thole it anyway. There is always hope - with each draft, with each nugget of wisdom from colleagues out there in the world. If I didn't believe my novel was something beautiful I wanted desperately to share with the world, I wouldn't be here. I'd have given up long ago.
climbing by sara kallado
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